The Mission - Road to College 2

So get your calculators out its time to play how mush is college. But wait I didn't tell you she also wants to be a missionary. Which is great, she has found her calling from God, but that means travel to other countries, dangerous situations, and maybe she might be moving to the furthest place on Earth from Puerto Rico, like Kathmandu. Which is basically anywhere, but that is besides the point.

Now we have to look for a school that will allow her to, study medicine, missions and at the same time allow her to participate on missionary trips during her time there without holding her back.

At this time its 2009. The first semester of my daughter's junior year. She is focused, no boys, no parties (not that she went to any before), nothing that will sidetrack her from her future, as a missionary pediatric surgeon (breath). And this time, with no help from me. she has made up her mind, she knows what she wants and I'm going to help her get it (breath, breath, breath, just keep breathing, its OK. Where is the brown bag?)

So what should she do. Should she go to missionary school first, and then go on to college. Or should she go to college, do pre-med, go to medical school, do everything related to the medical professional and then missionary school. My head hurts.

Well we will answer those questions latter. For now keep her on track. She has to get a good SAT or ACT score, do the local College Board college test (PEAU), maintain a good GPA. So no matter what she decides, she is accepted anywhere she wants to go.

And this is how I find my self the victim of panic attacks and mockery from my family. My obsession and neurosis worsens, intensifies. But that will only help (I think) I will see it as a positive, in getting my daughter to where she wants to go. After she gets there, my family can send me to a mental institution. But for now, a brown paper bag will be my faithful companion, and will have to get use to those hyperventilation attacks.

For those of you who don't believe me here is my brown paper bag.

The Mission - Road to College

Second year of high school, she is a sophomore now, was a breeze (well for her). Like I said she is smart, and likes to study. For me it was agony, I found out how much it will cost to send her to her first choice school.

(I really should go see a doctor for my hyperventilating, its becoming annoying.)

That year during honors night, again she took home all awards. Well except the Cup, that is only given once to a student. Although I think they should make an exception. This year she was not only top of her class, but top student of the high school. she finished the year with 3.95 GPA. Almost perfect.

She has her second choice school picked out. Did I say she wants to go out of state. Well in our case out of country. Did I explain that we live in Puerto Rico. Well we do, and we are true born and proud Puerto Ricans. Which makes all our college planning a little more difficult, but not impossible.

She is a junior now, just two years away graduation (deep breath, just keep breathing, deep breaths). Her experiences are changing, she is more aware of the world outside school and church. She sees the importance of school, but for other reasons. She wants to be a doctor, well a pediatric surgeon, to be exact. She wants to help others through medicine.

Next get your calculators ready. Lets play the price is right.

The Mission - Raham's Cup

So last time I spoke about the Raham Cup. To recap she was nominated with other two students. We are waiting to know who will win the cup, and I'm about to rip the head off the MC.

So they are up there with the Cup between them. There are three nominees this year.The MC is toying with us. stretching the suspense. Who does he think he is, Ryan Secrest. I wonder if he's a fan of American Idol? Get it over with already, your killing me.

And the award goes to (I'm not going to cry, it's OK if she doesn't get it I'm not going to cry), YES WE WON, o sorry yes she won. Screams, applause, yelling. I was proud of myself, I did not cry, well not in public anyway. That year she not only got the highest award in the school. She was top of her class with a 3.95 GPA. We are very, very, very happy.

My daughter with her teacher and the Cup.

The Mission - New School

In my obsession of educational excellence I knew that she wouldn't be able to finish her school career in her current school. So I began to look for other schools that could meet her educational needs and my obsessive/over-protective/neurotic criteria. In my search I found Raham Baptist Academy. It may not be the best school in the Island but, it meet my criteria, its better than her previous school and, it would allow her to work in a manner that best challenged her academically.

So she is in a new school, here they don't graduate from Junior High, they only graduate when they reach twelve grade. So the first objective is in sight we are only 6 years away when she changes schools. Lets begin the work.

This school doesn't graduate till senior year, but they give awards every end of the school year. The awards are academic excellence, sports, spiritual character and school spirit. The first year she took awards for academics and sports, as well as spiritual character. But she wasn't top of her class, she was fifth. The second year, eight grade, she took awards in all areas, she was second in her class, tenth in the whole High School and Junior High.

Third year, first year of high school, she is finally a freshman. I'm not even allowed to take her to school, she gets a ride with one of the other kids. She is becoming more and more independent. Can you feel the hysteria coming on. Well, its besides the point, to say that as she left for school I was hyperventilating. Because of the thought that she is really only four years away from graduating (it's 2007). But such is life and then you die. And where is that stupid brown bag?

So now we get ready for the real thing. She's finally in High School, now all efforts are for real, no mistakes, no problems, no distractions, IT'S CRUNCH TIME. (Exaggerate much).

That first year of high school, I already have answers to some of my college questions. Have to keep her focused. This year is the beginning of her future. Good grades a must, community services a plus, awards the reward. Another thing she qualifies this year for is the school's top honor, The Raham's Cup. The teachers nominate students that fill certain requirements. Students that want to be considered for that honor have to obtain a high academic achievement, achievement in sports, show good Christian values, and have school spirit. We want that Cup, we need that Cup. Oops did I just say that out loud. Relax, relax, breath, just breath.

She is nominated. (SCREAMS, JUMPING, GOING CRAZY, all on the inside). OK she is nominated (I promise not to cry when she wins, oops I mean if she wins). OK she is nominated, but that doesn't mean she will win. Calm down, the other two nominees are good too, and they have been going to this school longer than she has. One of the other nominees father is in the schools parent board, so he will win it this year for sure. It's OK, I tell myself, its an honor just to be nominated. (Ha I know I'm lying to myself, I WANT HER TO WIN).

Stay tuned to tomorrow to see if she won. If you know me, you already what happened.

Mission College - This is the Mission if You Chose to Accept It

The Objectives:

• Get her to graduate High School.

It was a blessing that she turned out to be smart. On her elementary school graduation, she had the third highest GPA of the class. I was done with the first hurdle, because she liked to study, she liked school, she was excited about junior high. So again that first day of seventh grade when I drooped her off at school at the gate (I was no longer allowed to walk her to the door) I made the same promise. She would graduate high school and got to college. Why am I hyperventilating again, it must be something in the air, brown bag anyone?

So again I began to work out the details of college. What college should she go to? To study what? What are their requirements? How much will it cost? So many questions, and everyone around me keeps saying don't be neurotic, she's not even in high school. But what they didn't understand was that Junior High was only two years. She would be in High School soon enough, and then just four more years to college. Again I found myself hyperventilating. Where is that stupid brown bag, when you need it?

So much to do so little time. My head is spinning, is the room wobbling. Why am I on the floor? Head rush, OK everything is OK.

Have to take a break, tomorrow the experiences in a new school.

My Neurosis Continues

As I said yesterday, after years of telling her you can do anything, achieve anything, be anything. Three years from graduation, I fave the grim reality that, all her hard work may not be rewarded. So begins my new obsession. Student aid, loans, college requirements, GPA, academic excellence, letters of recommendation and community service. Al in hopes that her academic life will be sufficient for her to get a good student grand or student aid or whatever that will help to pay for her college education.

And while all of this is going on I come to the realization that my baby is leaving in a couple of years. She is graduating, going off to college, where she may or may not find her future husband, but either way graduation is the end of my dictatorship. A new government structure is rising and the old one will only be consulted in occasion. Does anyone have an antidepressant?

It rattles my brain every single time I have to think about my daughters future. So you may have guessed that my brain is rattled pretty often. So much so that I started to sound like a million bells are inside my head. So the research began. HYPERVENTILATING. You might be thinking she has (at the time my neurosis began) three more years of high school. But believe me when I say that my obsession with college began the first day of first grade. When I left her in front of the classroom door.

In that moment I transported to the future. I looked at her as a young woman in her cap and gown, waiting for her name to be called and receive her high school diploma, that had eluded me. You must understand that although I got my high school diploma, I didn't graduate. I just took the high school equivalency test. So on her first day of school, I vowed that she would graduate, and she would forgo my destiny. She would go to college. Yes I started hyperventilating. Brown bag anyone?

New obsession, how did it manifest, stay tuned to tomorrow.

My Neurosis Begins

My neurosis or obsession with my daughter began the day she was born. I promised her that I would do the right thing by her. She would get the opportunities I had refused during my childhood and adolescence, she would do whatever she wanted in life. There would be no obstacles for her. Yeah, I know what you are thinking, it's easier said than done. But I would try, and I have tried.

For example when she was 2 1/2 years old she saw Swan Lake on TV. She looked at me and said "mamá yo quiero hacer eso" (mom I want to do that). So for nine years I took her on a 45 minute drive from Guayama (where we live) to Ponce (another town), three days a week for ballet lessons. She appeared in recitals, in mall presentations, in school recitals. We did the dress-up thing, make-up, the whole nine yards. Until she was 11, she left ballet for another passion.

When she was eight, she asked if she could play soccer. Of course I said yes (without thinking). So on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays she had ballet class. On Tuesdays and Thursdays she had soccer practice, as well as some Saturdays and Sundays she had recitals or games. Sometimes she would be in a game and after that get a wipe bath in the car, get her hair in a bun, put on her leotard and go to ballet class or a recital. Other times she would play soccer wearing make-up and glitter because she had had a recital or class before the game. And then when she was nine she asked if she could join the Girl Scouts, to add more on my plate. I said yes, so on Fridays after school I would take her to her brownie or junior meeting. All of this on top of school, where she maintained a 3.95 GPA.

If you haven't figured it out, I raised an overachiever. It was in her nature, I didn't have much to do with that. She had to, not be the best at everything, but be the best in herself do her best. She was in competition with herself all the time. If she got a 95% on a test, she wanted to get a 98% or a 100% on the next one. I encouraged her a LITTLE, really just a little. So after years of over achievement, being her best, top of her class. How can I say sorry honey you can't go to that or that college because we can't afford it. And so a neurosis is born, and its name is COLLEGE.

We will continue this tomorrow. See you later.

Background Info.

Like I told you yesterday, today, 'am going to give you a little background information. So that you may get to know me better, and know when my neurosis started.

In 1993, well 1992 actually, I was a fifteen year old teenager that thought life was all about her, and that everything had to be as I wanted, when I wanted it. As are most teenagers. Little did I know that everything was about to change. During the Summer of 1992 I met a boy, he was cute (now I don't think he was that cute), but I wasn't interested. By Autumn - Winter of 1992, he had insisted so much that we started messing around, there were no attachments, no interest for the future, nothing really. Or so I thought, the "thing" fizzled out by the end of December and we never spoke again. Until (chan, chan, chan) the Spring of 1993. At that time I was scared out of my wits because I found out I was PREGNANT. I thought my world was over, and really (as I knew it) it was. By the end of March I knew for certain I was pregnant told him and since he wasn't interested in being part of the baby's life I decided I would do it on my own.

I left my party girl ways and focused on the baby. On August 9, 1993, the beginning of my new life was here. My baby (a girl) was born, and I focused on raising her as best I could. Many things have happened during those 16 1/2 years that have followed but that is another story.

This story begins on my daughters 15 birthday (in Puerto Rico a very big deal). She was a sophomore in High School and the dreaded future was coming nearer and nearer everyday. That is the second time in my life that I have felt completely scared. Not for myself, but for my daughter's future. At that time, she had only three more years of high school, and being at home, and that terrified me.

And so my college experience began (and so my neurosis worsened). Looking for colleges, acceptance requirements, student aid, and college costs. Let me tell you for the low income single mother, at least myself, it was and is overwhelming. And so my story begins, in the first semester of her sophomore year, and still continues to this day. I hope you join me in this adventure that is the road to college, and laugh at the funny stuff with us.

That is it for today. See you tomorrow.

Explanation

Today I beggin my blogging journey. You may ask, why? Well the facts are simple: I'm a single mother (no a neurotic single mother). You may ask, why is does that make you start a blogg? The reasons are the following:

1. My daughter (the apple of my eye, my reason for being) is going to college in exactly 1year 8months 18days 4hours 47minutes.
2. Because I hope that by expressing my neurosis, obsession and fears, it will help me prepare and deal with my separation anxiety.
3. Finally, mabye there are other mothers going through the same things I'm and we will be able to help and support each other.

I have already started to write about my expirences of this last two years of high school, but now I'm ready to share what I'm going thru with those that have the interest and time to read it. And also in hope that my expirences and adventures during this time, will help others when they find themselve in my position.

I only ask that you don't judge to quickly, and get to know me a little before you stop reading. Tomorrow a little background information about my life and my daughters (whose name will remain annonymus as requested). So that you will see the road we have taken, and that finds us in this position now.