My Neurosis Begins

My neurosis or obsession with my daughter began the day she was born. I promised her that I would do the right thing by her. She would get the opportunities I had refused during my childhood and adolescence, she would do whatever she wanted in life. There would be no obstacles for her. Yeah, I know what you are thinking, it's easier said than done. But I would try, and I have tried.

For example when she was 2 1/2 years old she saw Swan Lake on TV. She looked at me and said "mamá yo quiero hacer eso" (mom I want to do that). So for nine years I took her on a 45 minute drive from Guayama (where we live) to Ponce (another town), three days a week for ballet lessons. She appeared in recitals, in mall presentations, in school recitals. We did the dress-up thing, make-up, the whole nine yards. Until she was 11, she left ballet for another passion.

When she was eight, she asked if she could play soccer. Of course I said yes (without thinking). So on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays she had ballet class. On Tuesdays and Thursdays she had soccer practice, as well as some Saturdays and Sundays she had recitals or games. Sometimes she would be in a game and after that get a wipe bath in the car, get her hair in a bun, put on her leotard and go to ballet class or a recital. Other times she would play soccer wearing make-up and glitter because she had had a recital or class before the game. And then when she was nine she asked if she could join the Girl Scouts, to add more on my plate. I said yes, so on Fridays after school I would take her to her brownie or junior meeting. All of this on top of school, where she maintained a 3.95 GPA.

If you haven't figured it out, I raised an overachiever. It was in her nature, I didn't have much to do with that. She had to, not be the best at everything, but be the best in herself do her best. She was in competition with herself all the time. If she got a 95% on a test, she wanted to get a 98% or a 100% on the next one. I encouraged her a LITTLE, really just a little. So after years of over achievement, being her best, top of her class. How can I say sorry honey you can't go to that or that college because we can't afford it. And so a neurosis is born, and its name is COLLEGE.

We will continue this tomorrow. See you later.