My Neurosis Continues

As I said yesterday, after years of telling her you can do anything, achieve anything, be anything. Three years from graduation, I fave the grim reality that, all her hard work may not be rewarded. So begins my new obsession. Student aid, loans, college requirements, GPA, academic excellence, letters of recommendation and community service. Al in hopes that her academic life will be sufficient for her to get a good student grand or student aid or whatever that will help to pay for her college education.

And while all of this is going on I come to the realization that my baby is leaving in a couple of years. She is graduating, going off to college, where she may or may not find her future husband, but either way graduation is the end of my dictatorship. A new government structure is rising and the old one will only be consulted in occasion. Does anyone have an antidepressant?

It rattles my brain every single time I have to think about my daughters future. So you may have guessed that my brain is rattled pretty often. So much so that I started to sound like a million bells are inside my head. So the research began. HYPERVENTILATING. You might be thinking she has (at the time my neurosis began) three more years of high school. But believe me when I say that my obsession with college began the first day of first grade. When I left her in front of the classroom door.

In that moment I transported to the future. I looked at her as a young woman in her cap and gown, waiting for her name to be called and receive her high school diploma, that had eluded me. You must understand that although I got my high school diploma, I didn't graduate. I just took the high school equivalency test. So on her first day of school, I vowed that she would graduate, and she would forgo my destiny. She would go to college. Yes I started hyperventilating. Brown bag anyone?

New obsession, how did it manifest, stay tuned to tomorrow.